A treatise on love

I can't believe this is going to be my 53rd blog already! Don't quite know how I've been able to amass such a wide portfolio in such a short time, especially given the fact that I haven't been writing that regularly in some time now. Still, it's a nice little piece of me that I can look back on and that I'll take with me as time hurries me along to new destinations..

I've been together with my girlfriend for little over a month now and I've only recently become aware of the strange effects it has had on my state of mind. Before we were together, I used to resent couples making out on the street, in the restaurant or on any form of public transportation, thinking "Can't you wait five goddamn minutes until you're in the privacy of your own home? Do we have to see a preview of how rowdy your sexlife is?". I used to be so cynical about all things concering love, going on about how fleeting and temporary it is. But now I have to admit I'm becoming more and more understanding of the whole couples scene. Suddenly, a boy and a girl together doesn't invoke the thoughts of silent loathing anymore, instead it's a reassuring feeling of "I have that too now". It might come off as weird or something, but I guess it's a sort of situation where you really need to be in my shoes in order to fully understand it.

The thing about me and her is that it all feels very natural, it's as if it was preprogrammed into our behavioural patterns. We are able to connect nigh instantly. We share many of the same interests, yet there is plenty of difference to spice things up every once in a while. She, for instance, loves Pokémon and all things adjacent, yet I think it's kind of passé, but our little quarrels about the subject give birth to an even greater sense of togetherness, because love is much like a rollercoaster (forgive the Ronan Keating nod), it's the ups and downs that make the relationship worth it. As I told a friend of mine just recently, whenever your lover begins to annoy you, he/she will do something afterwards that'll make you fall in love with him/her all over again and this in turn will strengthen the relationship because it's just another brick that's being added to your mutual foundation.

The whole concept of love remains ambiguous however. There are many forms and many types of love. Love is rarily experienced in a universal way, but that's what makes it so special. It differs from person to person, making each and every relationship unique and often incomprehensible to outsiders. My best friend once asked me how I felt about the fact that she was getting back together with her ex-boyfriend, but all I told her was that I was happy for her that she was willing to take another chance on love. It's not in my place, nor do I think it's in the place of others, to question someone's relationship. We don't know all the specifics about that relationship, even though some will claim that they do. We cannot possibly know all of the little details that have built up that union, all of the tiny -sometimes insignificant- bits and pieces that have forged it. Because in the end, that's all a relationship is, it's an assortment of likes and dislikes, virtues and vices and happiness and sadness. And somewhere along the way, these tiny specs clit together into a collectiveness, shared only by the people involved.

For me personally, it's important that love doesn't have to be about effort and predetermination. It doesn't have to be about cocky behaviour or macho-bullshit. It's not about doing a specific act at a specific time and in a specific place. Love shouldn't be that hard. It's just something that organically fits into your life and adapts to the way you choose to organise it.

I love the fact that she supports my dream of becoming a writer. I love the fact that she's into the whole gaming scene or that she enjoys staying in for the night, instead of partying and slowly going deaf in yet another mundain nightclub. But I also love how we don't fit together. She wants four to six kids, I only want three to four (which means we're going to have to settle on four). She wants to live in the country, surrounded by greenery, while I crave the cityscapes and the chaos on the streets. If we should add it all up and multiply it by a lifetime, we'd get a whole lot of time filled with harmony as well as discord, and I'm perfectly content with that. Love should be easy, yes, but nobody said that the fire should burn out as soon as the novelty has worn off?

The thing that worries me sometimes is the number of people you involuntarily invite into the relationship: mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends and other third parties. When two people are together, how many other people become affected by it? Take my mother for instance, when she found out about me and her, the first she said was that she couldn't sleep over for at least three months. I responded by saying: "Mom, in less than a month you're going on vacation for seven days, what do you think is going to happen?" and I could hear my Dad laughing in the kitchen. And now she won't stop badgering me about if and when she's coming over to 'meet the family' so she can have the Talk. I'm really looking forward to that one... *rolling eyes*.

But not only immediate family is involved, there's also the matter of past lovers. In my case, one in particular. The girl from Ghent. I knew I couldn't start up something new unless I was completely sure that she had left my thoughts. Of course, she can never fully be forgotten, seeing as how she's become solidified with some major memories from that period, forever encased within that timeframe. But I didn't want there to be any room for comparison, I didn't want the thought of Ghent-girl to corrupt the future memories of me and her. I had to be sure. So I finally made peace with the past and moved on. I think she has too and I couldn't be happier for her!

I can't wait to see what the future will bring and what I/we'll be like then. For now however, I'll settle for the present, enjoy lying in her arms, talking to her and rolling over in the morning to see her stare at me when I wake up. There's no better time than the present, so all the more reason to enjoy it as much as I can!