This next post isn't something I just whipped up (in case you were wondering). It's actually a paper I wrote for the English Language Proficiency course, but I decided not to use it, because it feels too much like a blog and less like a 'scientific' paper. Still, I think it's a shame to leave that much work confined to its miserable little pictogram in My Documents and since I'm not going to use it as a paper, I might as well use it as a blog!
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD:
FROM COURTSHIPS TO COHABITATION CONTRACTS
For as long as there have been men and women, there have also been guidelines and conventions as to how these two should relate to one another. The declaring of one’s love for another was not always as easy as it is now. Centuries ago, one had to go through several mandatory procedures before he or she could finally say those hallowed three words: “I love you”. As of today, the twenty-first century, it has become increasingly clear that romance, like chivalry, is very much dead. It seems that the days of courtships are gone. Instead, there are cohabitation contracts to bind two people, not in love, but in property. This change in love conventions did not happen overnight. So what happened that made this nightmare a reality?
This shifting image towards a more flexible and impoverished form of love has siphoned through into contemporary books, movies and music. The great romance novels such as Jane Austen’s ‘Pride & Prejudice’ or Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’ barely find resonance in modern day literature. If and when authors write about love, it is more likely with a heavy focus on the sexual relationship, rather than the glorification of an emotional one. Moreover, when a romance novel is indeed published, it is likely to be categorized under mills and boon novels. Even Hollywood has seemingly lost its touch for delivering true romantic love stories. Jack and Rose’s journey aboard the Titanic may be seen as the last stand for romance, since no other subsequent movie has managed to procure such a lasting effect in the minds of men and women alike. It may even be said that music as well has distanced itself from the loving serenades and progressed towards the adoration of the body and the sexual identity. Where Beethoven composed his fifth for his ‘immortal beloved’ , as he called his unknown lover in one of his love letters to her, one might find it hard to say the same for Flo’ Rida’s song ‘Get Low’.
In the old days, the union between a man and a woman was considered to be the most sacred in existence. Men were gallant and chivalrous and the women were poised and elegant. The declaration of love was a completely independent social convention. First, a meeting had to be arranged between the two parties. Then, if indeed there was a hint of possible romance in the air, the man had to make his intentions known to the father of the girl and ask for her hand in marriage. The father essentially held the key to his daughter’s marital bliss. If he agreed, the two could get married and live happily ever after, but if he declined, the daughter had to wait for another suitor to whisk her off her feet and away from her family.
When we look at the love ritual now, not much of the old traditions are left standing. Two people meet randomly and by the mere exchanging of phone numbers, email addresses or Facebook pages, a connection is made. Relationships nowadays do not require the formal date anymore. There seems to be a tendency towards the more loose and casual interpretation of romance. It is even possible to sustain a lasting relationship without ever having seen or having been with the other person. As to the value of such unions there is some debate. Even the whole concept of marriage has been turned upside down. Where divorce used to be frowned upon, it is now considered as a sport for some. Elizabeth Taylor for example; has got married eight times . Most Hollywood celebrities have had several husbands and wives, turning the concept of holy matrimony in some sort of contest. What remains of the vows—To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part —one can only imagine. Of course, the position of Hollywood as the standard for a good marriage must also be seen from a sceptic point of view.
It is true that times have changed and with changing times come changing societies. It seems only natural that our perception of love has altered as the world around us has altered as well. Ancient man did not have access to the world wide web, satellite phones or even bicycles to get closer to their loved one. Lovers were separated by wars, diseases, vast distances and harsh living conditions. Being in love did not change the time or place they lived in. It meant overcoming all those obstacles in order for two people to come together. The myths and legends of old tell awe-inspiring tales of men and women who would do just about anything to be together, even when faced with impossible odds. Orpheus went to the Underworld and back to find his love, Eurydice, but like all Greek heroes, his quest met a tragic end. Prince Paris of Troy brought war to his city for stealing King Menelaus’ wife Helena, sealing Troy’s fate. Even the books of history are filled with great love stories. King Henry VIII incurred the wrath of Rome when he choose to marry Anna Boleyn, yet he did so regardless. Even Édith Piaf and Marcel Cerdan’s passionate love affair made international headlines when his plane crashed while he was on his way to see her.
Could it be as simple as time progressing to attribute this changed view of love to? Or is our current perspective the result of something else entirely? In the twenty-first century, people seem to have everything they need or could ever want. Everything in the entire world is only a few clicks away. The Six Degrees of Separation study showed that one can come into contact with practically anyone in the world in just six steps, provided of course this person has access to an internet connection, phone line or valid adress. This shows that, even though our world has expanded far beyond the borders of mere towns and villages and now encompasses the entire surface of the earth, people can still find each other. One is no longer detained by boundaries or any other sort of geographical limitations. But has this point-and-click mentality not made people slothful or unwilling to go out and take action themselves? If people do not bother to go the distance anymore or to risk it all for love, can there still be romance?
Neil Gaiman already suggested it in his book ‘American Gods’ that modern day man prays to new gods now. He does not seem to bother himself with true love anymore, rather he craves instant gratification above all else. When young people go out these days, it is hardly to meet their respective Romeo or Juliet. They go out to have fun, mind-numbing, gratifying fun. In truth, they are not too blame. As Hippolyte Taine once said: “People are defined by their race, environment and point in time ”. If children yearn for pleasure and the immediate fulfilling of desires, it is in part because society is organized in that way. Every day, we are flooded with commercials and ads telling people to buy this and wear that all so that they can be as happy as the people in those advertisements. None of these ads however, have anything to do with long-term commitments. Everything is short-term. People lease so they would not have to buy. People buy instant-diners so they would not have to cook. People go out and have fun so they would not have to sit around, waiting for the right person to come into their lives.
In some way, this newfound assertiveness has been quite beneficial for the twenty-first century man. It has made him more independent and self-reliant than ever. Women now have the right to vote and have earned their rightful place in the workforce. Slavery has been abolished and racism is punishable by law. One of the greatest examples of living in a changed world is embodied by Barack Obama, the first black President of the United States. Many improvements have been made over the years and mankind has certainly benefited from them, but it has also created a completely new strain of man. This new strain may have become too assertive and too presumptuous in his behaviour, almost callous. Expectancies are at an all time high and so are the sales for anti-depressants. “It seemed like this was one big Prozac nation ” as uttered by the main character in the novel ‘Prozac Nation’ by Elizabeth Wurtzel. In wanting and almost always getting everything we ask for, people have become careless in recognising their true wants and needs. Maybe if Ilsa Lund had got her priorities straight in the movie ‘Casablanca’, she would have chosen Rick Blaine instead of boarding the plane with Victor Laszlo .
Popular culture, changing times and societies, an open world and the new and improved twenty-first century man have all contributed to the altered status of love in the world. It would be too easy to say that history has swept us up, taken us for a ride and dropped us off where we are now, but that would not attribute nearly enough credit to the position of man itself. As man became smarter and more aware of his surroundings, he became more attuned to his own needs and desires and less concerned about the outside world.
Love, much like mankind’s history is a battlefield. Some battles are won and others are lost. Sometimes we gain something, like knowledge or technology and sometimes we lose something, like the meaning of love or the value of the other. But history has a way of correcting past mistakes and adapting. So in time, there is hope yet for true romance. In time, Ilsa will ride off into the sunset with Rick and Elizabeth Taylor will finally settle with husband number nine, otherwise known as her one and only.
This shifting image towards a more flexible and impoverished form of love has siphoned through into contemporary books, movies and music. The great romance novels such as Jane Austen’s ‘Pride & Prejudice’ or Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’ barely find resonance in modern day literature. If and when authors write about love, it is more likely with a heavy focus on the sexual relationship, rather than the glorification of an emotional one. Moreover, when a romance novel is indeed published, it is likely to be categorized under mills and boon novels. Even Hollywood has seemingly lost its touch for delivering true romantic love stories. Jack and Rose’s journey aboard the Titanic may be seen as the last stand for romance, since no other subsequent movie has managed to procure such a lasting effect in the minds of men and women alike. It may even be said that music as well has distanced itself from the loving serenades and progressed towards the adoration of the body and the sexual identity. Where Beethoven composed his fifth for his ‘immortal beloved’ , as he called his unknown lover in one of his love letters to her, one might find it hard to say the same for Flo’ Rida’s song ‘Get Low’.
In the old days, the union between a man and a woman was considered to be the most sacred in existence. Men were gallant and chivalrous and the women were poised and elegant. The declaration of love was a completely independent social convention. First, a meeting had to be arranged between the two parties. Then, if indeed there was a hint of possible romance in the air, the man had to make his intentions known to the father of the girl and ask for her hand in marriage. The father essentially held the key to his daughter’s marital bliss. If he agreed, the two could get married and live happily ever after, but if he declined, the daughter had to wait for another suitor to whisk her off her feet and away from her family.
When we look at the love ritual now, not much of the old traditions are left standing. Two people meet randomly and by the mere exchanging of phone numbers, email addresses or Facebook pages, a connection is made. Relationships nowadays do not require the formal date anymore. There seems to be a tendency towards the more loose and casual interpretation of romance. It is even possible to sustain a lasting relationship without ever having seen or having been with the other person. As to the value of such unions there is some debate. Even the whole concept of marriage has been turned upside down. Where divorce used to be frowned upon, it is now considered as a sport for some. Elizabeth Taylor for example; has got married eight times . Most Hollywood celebrities have had several husbands and wives, turning the concept of holy matrimony in some sort of contest. What remains of the vows—To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part —one can only imagine. Of course, the position of Hollywood as the standard for a good marriage must also be seen from a sceptic point of view.
It is true that times have changed and with changing times come changing societies. It seems only natural that our perception of love has altered as the world around us has altered as well. Ancient man did not have access to the world wide web, satellite phones or even bicycles to get closer to their loved one. Lovers were separated by wars, diseases, vast distances and harsh living conditions. Being in love did not change the time or place they lived in. It meant overcoming all those obstacles in order for two people to come together. The myths and legends of old tell awe-inspiring tales of men and women who would do just about anything to be together, even when faced with impossible odds. Orpheus went to the Underworld and back to find his love, Eurydice, but like all Greek heroes, his quest met a tragic end. Prince Paris of Troy brought war to his city for stealing King Menelaus’ wife Helena, sealing Troy’s fate. Even the books of history are filled with great love stories. King Henry VIII incurred the wrath of Rome when he choose to marry Anna Boleyn, yet he did so regardless. Even Édith Piaf and Marcel Cerdan’s passionate love affair made international headlines when his plane crashed while he was on his way to see her.
Could it be as simple as time progressing to attribute this changed view of love to? Or is our current perspective the result of something else entirely? In the twenty-first century, people seem to have everything they need or could ever want. Everything in the entire world is only a few clicks away. The Six Degrees of Separation study showed that one can come into contact with practically anyone in the world in just six steps, provided of course this person has access to an internet connection, phone line or valid adress. This shows that, even though our world has expanded far beyond the borders of mere towns and villages and now encompasses the entire surface of the earth, people can still find each other. One is no longer detained by boundaries or any other sort of geographical limitations. But has this point-and-click mentality not made people slothful or unwilling to go out and take action themselves? If people do not bother to go the distance anymore or to risk it all for love, can there still be romance?
Neil Gaiman already suggested it in his book ‘American Gods’ that modern day man prays to new gods now. He does not seem to bother himself with true love anymore, rather he craves instant gratification above all else. When young people go out these days, it is hardly to meet their respective Romeo or Juliet. They go out to have fun, mind-numbing, gratifying fun. In truth, they are not too blame. As Hippolyte Taine once said: “People are defined by their race, environment and point in time ”. If children yearn for pleasure and the immediate fulfilling of desires, it is in part because society is organized in that way. Every day, we are flooded with commercials and ads telling people to buy this and wear that all so that they can be as happy as the people in those advertisements. None of these ads however, have anything to do with long-term commitments. Everything is short-term. People lease so they would not have to buy. People buy instant-diners so they would not have to cook. People go out and have fun so they would not have to sit around, waiting for the right person to come into their lives.
In some way, this newfound assertiveness has been quite beneficial for the twenty-first century man. It has made him more independent and self-reliant than ever. Women now have the right to vote and have earned their rightful place in the workforce. Slavery has been abolished and racism is punishable by law. One of the greatest examples of living in a changed world is embodied by Barack Obama, the first black President of the United States. Many improvements have been made over the years and mankind has certainly benefited from them, but it has also created a completely new strain of man. This new strain may have become too assertive and too presumptuous in his behaviour, almost callous. Expectancies are at an all time high and so are the sales for anti-depressants. “It seemed like this was one big Prozac nation ” as uttered by the main character in the novel ‘Prozac Nation’ by Elizabeth Wurtzel. In wanting and almost always getting everything we ask for, people have become careless in recognising their true wants and needs. Maybe if Ilsa Lund had got her priorities straight in the movie ‘Casablanca’, she would have chosen Rick Blaine instead of boarding the plane with Victor Laszlo .
Popular culture, changing times and societies, an open world and the new and improved twenty-first century man have all contributed to the altered status of love in the world. It would be too easy to say that history has swept us up, taken us for a ride and dropped us off where we are now, but that would not attribute nearly enough credit to the position of man itself. As man became smarter and more aware of his surroundings, he became more attuned to his own needs and desires and less concerned about the outside world.
Love, much like mankind’s history is a battlefield. Some battles are won and others are lost. Sometimes we gain something, like knowledge or technology and sometimes we lose something, like the meaning of love or the value of the other. But history has a way of correcting past mistakes and adapting. So in time, there is hope yet for true romance. In time, Ilsa will ride off into the sunset with Rick and Elizabeth Taylor will finally settle with husband number nine, otherwise known as her one and only.
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